


Rumors

by waving



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: (but only in the secretaries' imaginations), 5+1 Things, Crack, Gen, Gossip, Homoerotic subtext, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 11:12:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19375558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waving/pseuds/waving
Summary: Five rumors that no one bothered to dispel, and one that hit the nail on the head.("You guysdolook alike," Kunsel offers. "Black hair, blue eyes, same general physique—""No!" Zack looks offended. "Dude, just because Angeal and I both have some Wutaian blood in us doesn’t mean we're automatically related."”That’s what I thought," says Kunsel quickly. "I mean,Iknew that, but everyone else was speculating and I wanted to make sure—“)





	Rumors

**Author's Note:**

> based on the idea that zack looks like angeal’s lovechild. it spiraled downwards from there

**1.**

"Zack!" Kunsel looks surprised to see him. "You're back early."

Zack cocks an eyebrow and slots his materia into the shelf. "Yeah? What about it?"

"I thought you'd be..." He motions vaguely with his hands. "You know. Bonding with Commander Hewley."

"We finished the mission." Zack crosses his arms and turns around to face the other Second. "I can't be around him all the time, you know? Favoritism and all." Kunsel mutters something about nepotism and Zack frowns. "What did you say?"

"I said," Kunsel says, "are you sure it isn't nepotism?"

The words don't sink in. Zack blinks, looking very much like the puppy his mentor accuses him of being. "Excuse me?"

Kunsel sighs. "Zack, don't you ever wonder why Angeal picked you for a student?"

"Because I'm good at fighting?" The lilt at the end of his sentence makes it seem like a question. "Wait."

"Yup."

"No. You can't be—"

"You guys  _do_ look alike," Kunsel offers. "Black hair, blue eyes, same general physique—"

"No!" Zack looks offended. "Dude, just because Angeal and I both have some Wutaian blood in us doesn’t mean we're automatically related."

”That’s what I thought," says Kunsel quickly. "I mean,  _I_ knew that, but everyone else was speculating and I wanted to make sure—"

"Oh, Minerva— Is that what they think?" Dread sinks in as Kunsel gives a hapless shrug of his shoulders. "Dude! That's— Ugh. He's twenty-five, he's not old enough to be— _No._ " Zack rubs his face and lets out a shout of frustration. "Now everyone's going to think that Angeal promoted me to Second because he's my _dad_."

"Well, they already kinda thought that, so—"

"Not helping, Kunsel!"

 

**2.**

The giggling. Always the  _giggling._

Angeal pauses near the elevator to cast a glance over his shoulder. The secretaries always whisper when he passes by—perks of being a moderately attractive first class SOLDIER—but today it's louder and more targeted than usual. For a moment, he swears he hears his name mentioned among the pointless drivel. 

Curiosity pricks at him. He turns around and heads back into the lobby.

"Excuse me," Angeal says.

The secretaries see him approach and shush each other rather loudly. "Yes?" asks the dark-haired one, sitting up. "May we help you, sir?"

"I believe you were talking about me."

Next to her, the blonde one lets out a sort of half-giggle. "It was nothing, sir. Just gossip."

Angeal cocks an eyebrow. "Do you usually gossip about SOLDIER personnel?"

The silence seems like it's about to burst. The two avoid his gaze and he waits, knowing his patience will likely outlast whatever secret these two have to hide.

"It's actually about you and Commander Rhapsodos, sir," blurts out the blonde, who is quickly shushed by her friend. "What?" she hisses under her breath. "We can ask, can't we?"

Genesis? Angeal feels a tiny bit of trepidation. This can't be about their fan clubs, can it? He's never felt quite comfortable with hero-worship, but some of his fangirls go to quite the extreme to extract every minuscule detail about his life, which only worsens his distaste. He clears his throat when the two begin to whisper again.

"I have somewhat of a one-track mind when it comes to Genesis," Angeal says, which makes them giggle (much to his confusion), "so I'd like to hear what you were saying about us."

"Well, sir," says the brunette, glancing at her friend, "we think— I mean, we like to speculate—" "Gossip." "—that the two of you might have... intimate relations. With each other." She bites her lip as a blush travels across her cheeks. "It's not as bad as it sounds," she whispers.

Angeal's eyebrows travel so far up his forehead they might as well have disappeared into his hairline. "Genesis and I?"

"Yes, sir."

Perhaps he was better off not knowing. "What makes you think that?"

"Well, sir," the brown-haired girl begins, "you  _are_ rather close to Commander Rhapsodos."

"We're friends. And we grew up together, isn't that cause enough?"

The blonde mutters something about being "too close", and Angeal closes his eyes, feeling the beginning of a headache begin to pound against his head. "Can two men not be moderately close with one another without being accused of being 'together'? At this point even Zack and I will be dating, at least according to you."

A gleam enters their eyes, and Angeal feels dread creep down his spine like the legs of a spider. "That was not a suggestion," he says. _Orders_ , really.

"We know, sir," says the blonde one.

"Don't... gossip about Zack and me."

"We know."

 

**3.**

_Dearest Melody,_ says the letter in flowery gold script.  _How lovely it is to hear from you again! I'm doing very well, thank you for asking. Weather over here has been absolutely horrid, but that's Derere for you. As they say, "Derere has two winters and two summers, if winter was a back-stabbing bitch with an icicle and summer liked to shove people into volcanos for fun."_

_But I imagine Midgar can't be much better. Staying below the plate all the time must be terrible for your complexion. Remind me to send over some facial cream later, I'm certain you'll enjoy it._

_But that's enough about me. I hear you're working for ShinRa now? And for the SOLDIER division, oh my. I've heard my fair share of gossip about those SOLDIER boys. Only good things, of course, but also a few select rumors. Did you know that mako makes them especially easy on the eyes? There's a_   _mumbo-jumbo science explanation for it that I don't have the patience to write down, but it would explain Sephiroth's gorgeous facial structure. And that hair of his! Makes a woman jealous._

 _Oh, those handsome SOLDIER boys. I wouldn't mind if one of them swept_  me _off my feet._

_Well, it's all speculation, my dear, only speculation! I do wish to hear from you again._

_With love, Francis_

Melody sets down the letter and fights down a blush.

Of course that's the first thing Francis tells her after a month of incognito. Of  _course._

The end of the Wutai War means that most of the SOLDIER department are at home to see their families, but there's still a lone First loitering by the stairs, doing squats and jogging around the lobby as he waits for his next mission. Melody blushes when he lifts his head and catches her gaze from the other side of the room.

Perhaps Francis has a point. Melody ducks her head and makes herself look busy by shuffling the papers on her desk. The First  _does_ have a gorgeous smile.

 

**4.**

Rumor says, murmurs the secretary to another, that Sephiroth doesn’t need to shower. His natural body odor is forest thyme and mint.

Rumor says Sephiroth doesn’t have friends, an infantrymen tells his friend with a proud smile. He has subordinates who bow to his every whim.

Rumor says, insists a child at a sleepover, his voice growing louder and louder to overshadow over his friends' laughs, that Sephiroth's blade can split the earth and cleave the heavens. He just hasn't done it yet because he's too nice.

Rumor says that Sephiroth is a god of war and carnage in Wutaian culture, says the oblivious third class SOLDIER. 

Rumor says that Sephiroth's thinking of deserting, whispers a Third.

Rumor says, suggests another, that Sephiroth’s hair is so soft and so brilliant, the emperor of Wutai once offered him 10 billion Gil for a lock. (He refused.)

Rumor says, Kunsel tells Zack, that Sephiroth never eats. Is that true? (Zack laughs and shakes his head. The rumors say a lot of things, he says, but Sephiroth's human, just like everyone else.) 

 

**5.**

Aerith catches Tifa before they enter Don Corneo's bedroom. "I know this is a bad time," she whispers, slender hands clutching Tifa's arm.

"It is," says Tifa, casting a glance at Cloud, who's walking in front of them. He's  _good,_ adapting an elegance that even Tifa has a hard time emulating, and it would almost make her jealous if the situation isn't already ridiculous enough to fill three blackmail notebooks.

"I just want to ask you a question." Aerith glances at the guard. "Does Cloud have any siblings?"

"Siblings? No." Not unless Cloud's mama had something she didn't tell them. Which is likely, but also unlikely. "Why?"

"I just. I knew someone who acts—  _acted_ like him," says Aerith, and Tifa notes the fumble of verb tenses. "I don't know. It's strange."

"He walks like a different person?" Tifa suggests.

Aerith's eyes go wide. For all her seemingly infinite patience and wisdom, this is something she doesn't expect. "Yes!" she says. "Yes, that's exactly it. It feels like he's walking in someone else's shoes, like he's pretending to be someone he's not."

A chill ripples down Tifa's spine now that her suspicions are confirmed. She slips her hand out of Aerith's grip and shakes her head almost imperceptibly. "Not now," she whispers. They're almost to the Don's bedroom. "I promise we'll talk about it later, okay?"

For a moment, it looks like Aerith is about to protest. Then the garishly decorated bedroom swallows them whole, and she doesn't have time to say anything before the Don is upon them.

 

+1.

"He gives me the creeps," one of the secretaries whispers to the other. She sits up as a Third approaches the front desk and smiles blandly when he tries to get her phone number. She waits until he's out of earshot before continuing, "You hear about what he did in the labs yesterday?" 

Her friend shudders. "Yes. The whole thing with monster-human hybrids? _Gross_."

"I went to the science wing earlier to deliver some papers and he asked me if he could take a tissue sample. From my _breasts_."

"Ugh, what a lunatic. I'm surprised he hasn't cooked up some human meat to eat 'just out of curiosity' or... or... or genetically modified his own baby for science."

“Wouldn’t surprise me," she murmurs. She shuffles a few papers around and hands the file to the red-haired Turk. "Why hasn't ShinRa fired him yet?”

"He's a valuable asset, apparently."

“How the hell is _Hojo_  a valuable asset?”

"Money."

"Ah."

"Ladies." A second class SOLDIER approaches the desk and smiles at them, lifting a hand in greeting. "I’m here to file a mission report.”

"Of course," says the first secretary as she rummages through her desk and passes a manila folder over the desk. "Here you go, sir."

"Thanks." The SOLDIER sizes her up from top to bottom and his smile shifts from professional to interested. "Hey, are you free on Sunday?"

"Sorry, sir," she replies.

"Okay then." He grabs the folder and slides away. Her friend laughs at her embarrassment.

"Cuter than the last one."

"Oh, shut up."


End file.
